"Madam, I am deeply honored and very, very flattered that you would, ah, offer me your, um, company for the night. However, as much as I would like to follow through with your offer, I would have to decline purely on the fact that I would very much like to wake up with my bodily fluids undrained; not to mention the fact should I even touch you in such a manner, your, um, subordinate will no doubt efficiently dispose of my genital organs and feed my charred remains to the dragons of the Sanzu River."
You set down the glass and offer a smile of apology.