From the small translation I could get, seems the artist got beaten up battling Poppy in the games, and the main culprit likely is Tinkaton and her giant hammer!
...which means you're a lolicon! You're disqualified!
ロリコンさんなので不合格なのです!Your thingy got hard from looking at me...
ポピーでおまたカッチカチにしたひとは・・・