Having had family working in hospitals they come across stuff like this all too often (and for some reason think A&E is the place to go).

My favourite one that I heard was:
Man: "Everytime I smoke, I cough"
Nurse: "So stop smoking."
Man: "I can't"
Nurse: "Then cough"

(to put the apparent lack of care into focus, this guy walked into an A&E ward with this complaint, not his local GP surgery)