We have some insane people here who can translate hieroglyphics.
It's actually Japanese stylised to look like hieroglyphics.
Though maybe you're playing along with the joke here, if that's the case please ignore me.
Holy wafers of Japari eaten upon the pillar doth be more delectable than is typical. A new revelation.
ใฏใใใซใฆใใใตใใใฑใใฎใใใธใใฏใใใใใใพใใฟใคใใใใใซ